Tag Archives: Culture

Paraguay Is for Dance Lovers

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Do you love to dance? I do. Actually, dancing is my favorite pastime, and it wins by a landslide.

In the US we talk about people who can dance and who can’t dance. We have an unfortunate situation where many women like to dance and many men refuse to dance or do so grudgingly. That doesn’t happen in Paraguay.

Just about everyone dances and though you can find people who don’t like dancing it’s not an easy task. What’s more, many parties are designed specifically to have a dance component.

And, in Paraguay, there are many more opportunities for parties than in the States. In addition to celebrating major national holidays, Paraguayans celebrate patron saints’ days and soccer teams’ founding anniversaries…every community has a patron saint and a soccer team.

We aren’t just talking humble little dance parties in your apartment. We are talking huge speakers, DJs, and bands. The average party doesn’t start until 11 or 12; the first band doesn’t come on until at least 1 in the morning, and the dancing can go on until 6 a.m. (or so).

Dancing also doesn’t only mean breaking it down free and wild. In Paraguay, everyone knows how to dance cumbia and cachata, which are couples’ dances. You have to have a dance partner.

Summary: Paraguay is a dancer’s paradise.

Ideal Boyfriend, Ideal Girlfriend

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One of the topics I discussed with my 7th through 12th grade classes recently was healthy relationships. During the class I asked my students to describe their ideal boyfriend or girlfriend. The prompt was: “I would like my boyfriend/girlfriend to be…”

After hearing their responses I thought, “This is the stuff that love songs are made of.” I’ve translated a number of their responses because they are too great not to share.

Ideal Girlfriend:

I would like my girlfriend to be pretty and to not be jealous. I would like her to be:

  • Respectful: She respects the people I love.
  • Full of smiles: She has a smile everyday and makes you feel good.
  • Loving: She hugs me and kisses me.
  • Good: She greets everyone and doesn’t treat others poorly.
  • Not envious: She isn’t envious of anything or anyone.

~

I would like my girlfriend to:

  • Be good and understand me.
  • Love me in the good and the bad.
  • Be sincere.
  • Respect me.

~

I would like my girlfriend to be sincere so that we can live with love. I would also like her to be nice to my friends and family. Also, she should understand me.

~

I want a girlfriend who loves me and shows me her love everyday. She should not only focus on my negative side but should strengthen my positive side. She should not make me want to leave her. That would be the ideal!

 ~

I would like a girlfriend who is faithful and able to understand all my ideas and goals. At the least, she should be affectionate and, most importantly, I need her to support my decisions. Beauty is not that important; I only want to find a good person who is sincere, knows how to take care of me, appreciates what I have, and that there are no lies between us. I hope that there isn’t deception in our relationship and that we can move forward together.

 ~

My girlfriend should be sincere because she should be important and she should be sincere with me. Also, she should be intelligent because she should think about everything that she does. She should be humble, sincere, and have inner beauty. I should be able to understand her and she should understand me. And, most important, she should love me.

 ~

I would like my girlfriend to be:

  • Smart: because I want her to be someone important.
  • Nice: because I want her to have a good temperament.
  • Honest: because I don’t want her to lie to me.
  • Respectful: because I want her to have a good heart.
  • …however I think such a person doesn’t exist.

~

I would like my girlfriend to be the women of my life, the hope of my heart. I would like her to be respectful, friendly, loving, and smart. I would like her to love me with all her heart.

~

My ideal girlfriend:

  1. Is sincere and natural and don’t use a lot of makeup.
  2. Respects me.
  3. Accepts me how I am.
  4. Understands, even when I don’t understand myself.
  5. Is friendly with my family and me.
  6. Is proud of our relationship.

Ideal Boyfriend:

I would like my boyfriend to be a good man that likes to work and is responsible. I would like him to respect me, take of me, and really love me. Most important, I would like him to be honest with me and at the same time respect my space. I would like him to understand me and to be happy to be by my side. (I don’t think this exists, but it is my dream).

 ~

I would like my boyfriend to be loving and sweet.

  • Responsible and hardworking.
  • Faithful and he shouldn’t hide anything from me.
  • NOT BE JEALOUS…a mission impossible.
  • Lastly, I don’t want him to ask me to take a test of love, but I would like him to love me.

 ~

I would like my boyfriend to be:

  1. Respectful in many ways and to not teat me badly.
  2. Faithful: I want my boyfriend to really love me and not play with my feelings.
  3. Not have bad thoughts; I want him to confide in me.
  4. With me always and to be happy.

~

I would like my boyfriend to be:

  • Detail-oriented: With me and to value the good moments we have together.
  • Understanding: He should understand me and support me in my moments of need.
  • Hard working: He should work so he can cover his own expenses and not depend on me.
  • Neat: He should take care of himself and think about his physical appearance.
  • Attentive: He should think about everything he does.

 ~

I would like my boyfriend to be:

  • Polite: He should be a courteous person, for example he should be polite when in interacts with my family.
  • Respectful: I would like him to respect me even when I don’t agree with him. I would like him to respect what I think.
  • Loving: He should be the person at my side and be tender. I would like us to love each other and for him to feel the same about me as I do about him. He should not play with my feelings.
  • Honorable: He should be hard working and he should study so he can be an important person in life.

~

I would like my boyfriend to be:

  • Understanding: So that I can share my problems with him. It’s important that he is my friend and knows my shortcomings and likes.
  • Respectful and respect me: He should respect my decisions and always tell me the truth.
  • Loving: He should treat me with love. He should talk to me calmly and not feel the need to yell.
  • Friendly: He should be friendly with my family, my friends, and me.
  • Above all, he should trust me, be sincere. He should tell me what he likes and doesn’t like. He should be fun.

 ~

I would like my boyfriend to be respectful, humble, understanding, detail-oriented, charismatic, and loving.

  • Respectful: When we are together and when we are apart.
  • Humble: He shouldn’t have an ego and material things don’t have to be important to him.
  • Understanding: When I share problems with him, he can understand me.
  • Detail-oriented: He should take note of the little things because it’s the little things that make a relationship have invaluable moments.
  • Charismatic: He should have a sense of humor and make me smile when I’m angry or in a bad mood.
  • Loving: He should show me that he loves me with a hug, a look, and his words.

 ~

I would like my boyfriend to be humble, respectful, hard working, detail-oriented, loving, smart, and sincere.

  • Respectful: When we are together and when we are apart.
  • Hard working: So that in the future we don’t lack anything.
  • Detail-oriented: He should notice the gifts we have because that is important in a relationship.
  • Loving: When he is with me he should treat me with love.
  • Smart: So that we can come out ahead.
  • Sincere: So that the relationship that we have grows every day and more importantly, so we don’t have problems.

 ~

I would like my boyfriend to be:

  • Intelligent: Because I like to interact with people who are able to understand what we are doing.
  • Loving: Because I am loving. I would like him to spoil me with nice words and kisses.
  • Understanding: Because sometimes I need time to do my own things.
  • Loyal: Because I want a stable relationship without a third person between us.
  • Handsome: Because I like people who take care of themselves.
  • Visionary: Because I want him to think about what our life will be like in the future.
  • Hard Working: Because I don’t like having needs.

 ~

I would like my boyfriend to be sincere, loving, faithful, and understanding. Above all, he is always with me in the bad moments and in good moments. I don’t care if he is handsome because beauty isn’t important. What’s important is that he loves me, because love doesn’t have to do with looks. The End.

 ~

I would like my boyfriend to be good, respectful, and treat me well; I want him to be with me in the good and the bad; to be loving, honest, and understanding; I want him to love me for who I am.

 ~

I would like my boyfriend to never lie to me and to be a good man in every way; I want to like what he does and for him to support me in my decisions. Examples: He isn’t unfaithful in whatever part of the world. He is honest, handsome, good, kind, and loving, etc.

~

I would like my boyfriend to be:

  • Respectful: To respect my privacy, my likes, my habits, and to accept my family and friends.
  • Understanding: He understands that sometimes I can’t do or give him what he wants. Example: To go out with him at night.
  • Faithful: That he doesn’t cheat on me.
  • Detail-Oriented: That he does things to show me that he loves me.
  • Real: That he does not pretend be is something he isn’t.

 ~

My boyfriend ideal is:

  • Respectful: He respects me every moment.
  • Understanding: He always understands me and when I have a problem he supports me.
  • Faithful: He is faithful to me every moment.
  • Detail-Oriented: He always pays attention to the details.
  • Loving: That every time I am with him he gives me his love.
  • Beautiful: That he is beautiful in every sense of the word.

~

I would like me boyfriend to be faithful and to understand my ideas and goals. At least, he should give me affection. More than anything, I need him to support my decisions. He should not seek beauty too much. I just want to find a good person who is sincere and will take care of and appreciate what we have. I hope that he doesn’t deceive me and that our relationship is one that will last.

A New Kind of Crowd

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Perhaps you’ve heard of the term “machismo,” the dictionary definition is “strong or aggressive masculine pride.” It’s often used in Spanish class to describe Latin American culture. It’s usually mentioned along with a comment about how women’s rights in Latin America leave something to be desired.

Nine months in Paraguay and I’ve had the opportunity to experience both these popular Latin American studies topics first hand. But this post isn’t about the catcalls and hanks I get when I walk down the street—after talking to other female volunteers, especially blonds, it seems I’ve been mostly spared on that front.

This post is about the female, teenage students who performed a spectacular skit about decision-making and social pressure in my class and were greeted by an appalling response from their male classmates. And, this is about how those female students thought that response was normal and almost a compliment.

The plot of the skit was this: Boyfriend asks girlfriend to have sex. Girlfriend asks friends for advice and they say, “go for it” because there are no repercussions and he might leave you if you don’t. Little sister overhears the conversation and tells mom. Mom confronts girlfriend, and we learn that girlfriend hasn’t even told her mother she’s dating. Girlfriend sneaks out and has sex. She gets pregnant and when her mom finds out she gets kicked out of the house.

A team of students wrote the skit. When it was time for them to perform the skit they went and changed into their “soccer game best“: Nice sundresses, wedges, tights, tight jeans, and moderately revealing tops. In the school where I teach the students wear uniforms.

As soon as the girls changed and came back into the classroom their male classmates greeted them with catcalls and a litany of comments about how they looked. The girls smiled and posed. Throughout the skit this male commentary didn’t stop. It was as though the two actors playing the girlfriend and boyfriend were actually having sex in the classroom.

Often machismo is a little subtler and I have to think to notice it, but sometimes it is acute. Culture can’t be changed in one-fell-swoop, but I wish those young women didn’t have to live their lives that way.

Music Is Culture

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Before leaving for Paraguay a friend who’s had some experience working abroad told me that I’d miss things I didn’t even like when I was in the States.

I was doubtful.

She was right.

For me, the thing is music. During my first few months I missed rap music. I had fewer than 20 rap songs in my music library before Paraguay. That’s changed, but I still wouldn’t call rap my jam. My longing for rap foreshadowed my realization that music is a huge part of my identity, which I wasn’t aware of before the music I’m used to wasn’t the norm anymore. I didn’t think much about music in the States. Ask my sister. She was not impressed to discover that after 4 years of college and then some I added maybe 30 songs to my iTunes from when I set it up at the end of high school until I hurried to get more music to bring to Paraguay.

In Paraguay, the most common music listened to is: bachata piru, polka, and cumbia. Also, some younger people and people who think they’re hip listen to raggeaton and a random selection of US pop songs. If you dig deeper, you’ll find that my generation and younger also listen to a lot of romantic music, Latin pop might be the genre, and some US rock. There’s also a Bob Marley following.

To put it another way, the diversity of music listened to in the US is not reflected in Paraguay. I’m sure you can find people listening to just about any group somewhere in Paraguay, but the simple fact is that what’s blasting at 4 o’clock in the morning or 7 p.m. on Sundays is bachata piru, polka, or cumbia.

For me, music is something you listen to while doing something else—unless you are playing an instrument or singing. I have playlists for cooking and cleaning, for writing, for lesson planning, and for exercising. Each activity requires a different mix of music and depending on how I feel that day I might need a new list. I can’t listen to the same song on repeat and there are very few songs that I’d like to hear more than once a day. Also, I like to have times of silence.

In Paraguay, listening to music is an activity. So much so, that people will say, “let’s listen to music.” They will then turn their stereos up way louder than I would, sit down, and proceed to listen to music. They might drink terere while listening to the music. There is one variation on this. For some Paraguayans, music is something you listen to from the moment you get up until the moment you go to bed. What this means is that you have loud music from the crack of dawn, Paraguayans get amazingly early every day, until bedtime.

I never thought music would be where I feel the most conflict integrating in Paraguay, but it is. I didn’t realize how music influenced my mood. Nor would I have thought that listening to bachata piru, polka, and cumbia would make me feel more out of place than the stares I get when I walk down the street sticking out like a sore thumb because of my clothes, the way I walk, my skin color, and the fact that I’m walking alone.

Is there a solution? I swap music with Paraguay youth who like American music. Maybe I’ll bring them and their friends further to the “dark side”…also known as US rock, pop, rap, R&B, and alternative. I put on a smile when I have to listen to cumbia all day and then go home and put on some Martin Sexton, Paul Simon, or Bruce Springsteen—not just because I like them, but because they are classics from my childhood. After I listen to a few of my songs I’m ready to go out again, I might even turn off my music and listen to my neighbors’ music for a while.

New Norms

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Parade I think you would surprise yourself, were you to live abroad, how quickly things you thought were weird, or never thought about before, become normal. My claim: human’s adaptability is what makes us such an overpowering (or successful) species.

Things that have become second nature to me since coming to Paraguay:

  • Throwing toilet paper in a trashcan: Paraguayan sewers (or maybe it’s the pipes and toilets themselves) can’t handle toilet paper. All bathrooms have a trashcan for paper waste.
  • Unplugging everything (including my fridge) before I leave for more than a day or during storms: It’s not uncommon for the power to go out or flicker. And, when the power comes back it can surge and fry whatever is plugged in.
  • Boiling water before putting it on the stove: Gas isn’t free and my electric water heater is very efficient. Oh, did I mention I have something like a 5-gallon gas tank that I will personally need to carry somewhere to refill.
  • Sunny, windy, warm days make me think of laundry: They are perfect conditions for clothes hung to dry to dry before they start to smell moldy. Yep, in Paraguay there are only two kinds of days: those good for laundry and those ill suited for washing.

The Little Things, My Friend

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A housePeople often say, “It’s the little things.” What does that actually mean? It seems so randomly abstract, yet I think a lot of people know exactly what you mean when you say that phrase.

Paraguayans have given me a more concrete understanding of the idea of the little things: take the time to make the moment special. When I first got here, I thought it was a complete waste of time that two nurses plus a random person at the health post spent a good hour trying to use bits of curtain and gauze to create a table cover for the dinky wooden table on which the portable vaccine cooler sat. Who cared if the table had a cover? And the gauze and bits of curtain didn’t even look that good. I used to wonder if it really made a difference if we put a Christmas tablecloth over the table in May when we were eating in a dirt-floored room that chickens entered freely. I now believe that these activities not only matter, but also are worthwhile.

I love that the señoras I bake with cover their tables before we start mixing our cake batter. I love that even if we are outside, they conjure up a tablecloth before serving coffee and crackers. I love that they take the time to find the one or two nice ceramic mugs they have to serve the coffee. I love that rather than use a different, more ugly mug they wait for the first person to finish their coffee to use the pretty mug for the next person. I love it because little things like that make me feel special. Even if the tablecloth really doesn’t make the table more sanitary or doesn’t look better I appreciate the effort.

Why shouldn’t you take the extra couple of minutes to make your eating place look nice? Why not cut your veggies so they’re pretty, not just bite sized, before throwing them into your salad? Why not great everyone before taking a seat? The little things are inherently extra, but they are the spice, the flavor of life.

Patron Saint Celebration

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Feathered MenThe patron saint of my community is San Francisco and his day is celebrated on July 24. There were celebrations throughout that week, ending in a huge party. But, on July 24, there was a mass in the morning, a saint’s procession, and a carnival, all of which I attended.

The most interesting tradition about celebrating San Francisco is that men dress up in suits completely covered in feathers—pants, jackets, and hats—and wear masks. They wear these outfits to the mass and during the saint’s procession and then dance around to traditional Paraguayan music in front of the church. There’s also some drum beating to go along with the dance.

The mass was about an hour and included singing, a sermon, and biblical readings. For the procession a group of men dressed in feather outfits, followed by the church’s men, and the congregation took a figurine of San Francisco around the soccer field that is in front of the church. After that, the feathered men jumped around in the patio of the church, there was a raffle, and there was a carnival complete with crumbling rides.

Raw Animal Fat

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Making potteryHave you even seen fat, raw and blobby? Maybe as part of Mayor Bloomberg’s obesity reduction campaign? Maybe on a TV show about liposuction? Maybe after bacon grease congeals?

I’ve seen it. I’ve worked it from a semi-solid to a mixable paste. Nothing makes you think about what you’re eating quite as dramatically as working fat globs into something more like soft butter.

In Paraguay, one of the common ingredients is raw animal fat, rather than butter or vegetable oil. In the end, it still gives baked goods a great consistency and tastes amazing, but it does make you think about your middle section. Is that whole cup going to end up right on my stomach?…is usually what I ask myself.

Baking with the señoras here has brought me back to the basics, in terms of what we actually use to give our food the taste and texture it has. In Paraguay, there is an abundance of the real thing—raw milk, raw animal fat, fresh eggs, and fresh meat (just killed minutes before cooking).

I still eat cookies, but since coming to Paraguay visions of fat globs dance in my head when I do. I know that butter and raw animal fat is the same thing in the end, but for some reason raw animal fat gives me an unpleasant visceral reaction while butter makes my mouth water. I’m used to fresh meat and raw milk, but the animal fat makes me pause every time.

Germany Won, You Know

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RoadI’m sure you’ve heard: Germany won the World Cup. Several people in my community pointed out Germany’s victory to me, which I found confusing. I mean, I watched the game, but Germany was never my team. The confusion evaporated as soon as one person asked me if Germany was a city in the US and another asked me if Germany was near the US.

A lack of geographic knowledge, which may have led to these confusions, isn’t what interested me in these interactions. Plenty of people in my home country don’t know where Paraguay is, so I call it even. What interested me was how people were making the connection. Mainly, Germany is foreign and so is the US. I’m from the US, so therefore I am foreign and must have a connection to Germany. (It’s also a race thing, but I’ll save assumptions about light-skinned people for another post).

Many people in the countryside of Paraguay never leave their communities, or only go as far as the nearest town or city. Vacations aren’t common, especially vacations abroad. Most people who emigrate for work go to Argentina (at least that’s what it seems from the stories I’ve heard). My site is comprised of two communities, and my house is about 1 kilometer (less than a mile) from one of the communities. Yet, people in the community I don’t live in often comment about how far away I live. It’s a fifteen-minute walk.

The idea of living all your life in a small fraction of the Earth isn’t uncommon. Even friends I have in the US who haven’t traveled much see the world as a giant, strange place beyond their country’s borders. But, for me the idea of “us and them” is even more exaggerated here because Paraguay is such a small country. And, many Paraguayans are only just discovering that they can explore the world.

It’s also a good reminder why I’m here: to clarify some basic facts about the US and try to dispel fears and assumptions about the US that come from not knowing. I guess as humans we are uneasy about the unknown and make things up to explain things we don’t understand. Living here has turned my life on end; it’s very interesting to be the proof that certain beliefs aren’t true. But, more than anything, it makes me wonder what things I assume or think are true but are really just fantasies I’ve invented to fill in the gaps of my knowledge.

Hobnobbing With the Señoras

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President's PalaceIn site, my friends are ladies somewhere between 2 and 3 times my age. They are grandmothers. They are wonderfully welcoming and fun. If you asked me anytime before Paraguay, I would never have imagined my social life (at least when I’m in site) centering on grandmothers.

Until I came to Paraguay, I tended to seek out the friendship of people close to my age. But, in my site people my age are complicated. The complication comes from the fact that we are going in different directions. There is a big focus on being in a relationship, so between women my age and me there’s a feeling of competition and between men my age and me there’s sexual tension—neither of which are feelings I want in my daily life.  Our dreams are different. Of course, young people here are fun, and I’m still hoping to find some Paraguayan best friends my age.

Everything that makes people my age difficult makes señoras (as one calls the older, married ladies) perfect friends. Señoras aren’t competitive, and the best ones don’t judge. Even if they think I’m strange, it doesn’t stop them. Most señoras are jokesters and enjoy hanging out. They’ve already raised kids and are the true rulers of the community. Many of them are homemakers, so they’re around more than the younger people who work outside of the home or are going to school.

Señoras have great stories and enjoy help cooking or reviewing their grandchildren’s homework. They are set in their ways, but they’ll listen to my ideas and observations even if they won’t act on them.