Introvert

Typical girl birthday party table center pieces/guest gifts.

Typical girl birthday party table center pieces/guest gifts.

Why don’t you just ask?

Pause, frozen, unable to move:

They could look at me funny.

Maybe they won’t understand me.

Maybe they’ll be mean…they could lie.

What if they think I’m stupid?

I don’t want to inconvenience them.

I wouldn’t want to make them uncomfortable.

What should I say? How should I start?

~

Why don’t you just go and buy it?

Oh, it’s not the money. I’m good at saving.

So exhausting, the thought of shopping.

How many people will I have to talk to?

Are the prices on the items? What…I have to ask?

Is the salesperson going to follow me around?

Will I be able to try it on? Privately.

What are the dressing rooms like?

The store might be packed or it might be empty,

but I’m not sure which is worse.

How do I say I don’t want to buy it?

Is it weird that I need time to think?

~

Don’t be lame, parties are fun.

Yes, but where to begin.

Who should I talk to first?

How many people do I have to talk to?

Should I say “hi” to everyone?

And if I don’t know the people there…

Will they talk to me?

So, when someone ends the conversation,

Does that mean they were bored?

Or is that just the normal sequence of things…

At a party?

Fun, yes, but exhausting. Every word, enervating.

~

It’s all about who you know. Your network.

What does “know” mean exactly?

So, like, do I invite them out to coffee?

Schedules are complicated.

Do I just follow up with a note?

What should I say?

How often should I talk to them?

It’s so painful to think that

I might annoy them…

Or that they thought I was boring.

If they don’t remember me, does that mean I’m forgettable?

But I don’t want to know them JUST

So I can ask them for something…

No, I can’t do that.

So how can I get to know them…

As something more than an acquaintance?

They are so busy. They’ve made that clear.

~

Why didn’t you come?

Truth: I don’t know. I guess…

I was worried I wouldn’t have time to recover.

I wanted to see all of you, but didn’t know

What to say or if you wanted me there.

I was worried it was just a polite invite.

But, not a heartfelt one. I should be more confidant.

The travel. So many hours with people

I don’t know.

Then there’s all the smiling.

The catching up because

I didn’t know that was happening in your life.

~

What’s the problem exactly?

We’re in a sea of social bonds

Instead of hydrogen bonds

Extroverts are buoyant

Introverts are dissolved

It’s science. A hard truth. Reality.

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