Is this a cockroach or a cricket…or could it be both? How likely is this spider to end up in my bed? Is it worth turning on all the lights, finding my broom, and unlocking the door to sweep out this beetle I just killed or should I just leave it to those little red ants that will eat it by morning? 

These are the kinds of questions I ask myself on the daily. “Bugs” has a whole new meaning when you live in the tropics. There are just so many bugs, of all sizes. I’ve never had so many encounters or seen so many different kinds of spiders, beetles, and other creepy crawly things in one place. And, that one place is my apartment. The question is no longer whether there are bugs in my house, but, rather which of those bugs I’m willing to live with and which I will demolish to the best of my ability.

Other common questions I ask myself:

About spiders: Is this spider poisonous? If it is, does that mean I should kill it? How many other bugs is this spider going to kill? Usual conclusion: Well, if it stays along the edge of the room and away from the toilet and bed I won’t kill it.

About roaches: How did it get so big and shinny? Does its presence mean there’s a nest of roaches I haven’t found yet? What’s on hand to smack the hell out of this bastard? If I miss the first time, what direction is it most likely to run, and is there anything that it could hide under I should clear now? Usual conclusion: I wish roaches were scared of the smell of their fellows dead.

About moths: What was that thing that just flew across my light and cast a shadow? Moth, do you really have to make that annoying tapping noise by flying into the light? What is your purpose in life? Usual conclusion: It doesn’t bite; let it be.

About mosquitos: Why are there always mosquitos hanging out on my bathroom walls? Where did these mosquito bites come from? Is it worth spraying my doorframe with bug repellent? How can I position my fan so the mosquitos won’t bite me? Usual conclusion: The mosquitos in my house are assholes.

About ants: Who knew there were so many kinds of ants? How did you find that already…I left that dead bug there maybe 20 minutes? Did you really have to bite my poor foot? Why do you insist on coming into my house? What is the likelihood that those there ants will bite me if I sit/step here? Usual conclusion: Ant bites come directly from hell. They itch. They hurt. And, they take forever to heal.