Coping Strategies: Not for Me This Time

Not long ago the unimaginable happened in my community: a teenager commit suicide. I’m not entirely sure of the circumstances, but he attended the high school where I work and supposedly in his note he claimed having his girlfriend break up with him was one reason he decided to take his life.

When I heard the news I thought naïvely, “I didn’t know suicide happened in Paraguay.” But, apparently it’s not the first attempt by kids in my community and it’s not the first kid in the area who’s succeeded. Yet, if I hadn’t stumbled across the news the day of the memorial I’d never have known. It seems that the topic is unspeakable.

After I heard the news, I decided that I couldn’t proceed without taking the time to address the topic in a small way. I work with all the kids in 7th grade through 12th grade at the school he used to attend. So, I revised my lesson plan for the following week to address the topic of mental health in a round about way. My thought was to at least open the door, and see where the students decided to take the topic.

My lesson started by defining stress and what causes stress, and from there we brainstormed all the problems we can face in our lives using 4 locations: home, school, work, and community. After coming up with a sizable list of problems, we discussed ways to solve those problems. We brainstormed with whom we could talk if we needed help and the qualities of someone in which we could confide. Then, we talked about what we could do if a friend approached us with a problem, and how we could help him or her find help if we didn’t know how to help him or her. Finally, we talked about strategies to reduce stress and why it’s important to think about problems and address them before they pile up.

Most of the classes proceeded like a normal class, except one. In that class we had the opportunity to talk in greater depth about coping strategies, finding someone with whom we can confide, and what it means to be a good friend. We touched on what it means to be in a healthy relationship, and that no one should be obligated to stay in a relationship. As we worked the dynamics of the class transformed from the normal jokes to serious. Some students asked questions, they don’t often ask questions without much urging, and some students seemed like they might be on the edge of tears.

There were some heavy themes that came up. What hit me hardest, however, was that most of the students said they’d never before talked about something like coping strategies. On top of that, one class explained that they couldn’t talk to their parents about their problems because that’s not how parent-child relationships are in this country—according to this one class; peers are the common source of help. Not being able to talk through problems with parents is hard for me fathom in a culture that centers on the family, like Paraguay’s culture does. It’s difficult, being an outsider, to understand something that seems so contradictory. Families, in Paraguay, are the nucleus of everything, so shouldn’t families be the first source of support and information on all topics? Are the needs of individuals being overlook as families focus on the good of the whole? Is there another explanation?

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