Tag Archives: About Me

Birthday Shout Out

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I had a birthday recently. Some people have life-crises at New Year’s when they think about what they’ve accomplished, what they haven’t done, what they want to change…well, I have birthday crises. I couldn’t care less about January 1, but when my October birthday comes around I have “so many feelings.”

I wasn’t sure how my birthday contemplativeness was going to manifest itself in Paraguay. The answer: I felt completely loved and supported and empowered.

I got supportive, funny, and loving messages via email, Facebook, and Twitter from family and friends back home. My sister created a digital birthday card that she emailed, tweeted, and made her Facebook cover photo. My family sent me care packages with copious amounts of chocolate and green tea (and other wonderful things that have made my life markedly better)—I did NOT use restraint during my consumption of said chocolate.

Other volunteers and Paraguayan friends sent me thoughtful birthday messages. Two of my closest friends is site ambushed me with an unexpected birthday present the day after my birthday—I’m still smiling.

The women at my health post hosted a birthday lunch. I made chocolate cake with dulce de leche as frosting. They made two kinds, yes two, of salad and a savory pie made of leafy greens, onions, and eggs. We also had sausage and Coke Cola—staples in Paraguay.

The Saturday after my birthday, I had my morning English class sing happy birthday to me—English practice, right? I didn’t tell the students I worked with on the day of my birthday that it was my birthday, but got happy birthday wishes for almost a week afterward when they did find out.

It was the birthday I always dreamed of—tranquilopa.

Don’t Suffer, Fix It

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You don’t need to come all the way to Paraguay to find little inconveniences in life. Maybe the sink drips. Maybe the door squeaks. Maybe the table rocks. Whatever it is, it works but it could be better. It wouldn’t be hard to mend but instead you let yourself deal with these little things for months, for years… What exactly keeps you from fixing them? What keeps you from making them better or eliminating them all together? Why would you deal with small annoyances rather than resolve them?

You don’t know how to fix them?

You’re lazy?

You’re too shy to ask for help?

You tell yourself that it’s only going to be for a little while?

I’ve come to ask myself these questions. I’m not lazy and I know how do fix most basic things in my house. But, still I don’t. Paraguay adds a level of complexity because I don’t always know where to get the materials I need to fix something, but that’s not an excuse.

I had an epiphany recently—why let myself suffer if I can fix the problem? Thinking about my current situation, I’m going to live in my house two years. That’s not a petty amount of time.

I find the scenario of inaction interesting. I can come all the way to Paraguay to try to help people improve their lives. But, somehow, I overlook the necessities in my own home—I should be able to fix my wardrobe knob, refresh the concrete in my bathroom, and build/get enough shelving.

My new motto: “Don’t suffer, fix it.”

Check back in a couple months to see if I’m living my motto or just blowing smoke.

Revelations 1000s of Miles From Home

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I’m still shedding illusions I had when I was a child. I don’t know if it’s something I’ll grow out of or if I’ll always have realizations about things that went over my head when I was growing up. But, either way, there’s something enlightening about uncovering a greater truth beneath things I thought I understood. And, it’s downright fun to bring things into my consciousness that were once lost somewhere in the recesses of my senses.

My most recent realization about my childhood: James Bond, yep 007, was a huge part of my upbringing. I never knew that until I had the opportunity to watch every James Bond movie, starting with the one from 1962—don’t ask how I fit all those movies into my schedule. I should say this is particularly surprising because movies were a small part of my youth and my parents’ still don’t have TV.

I knew my mother had the soundtracks to the James Bond movies, I think through the 80s or 90s. But, little did I know how often those songs were played. As I watched the 007 movies in my Paraguayan home, some for first time and others for a second or a third time, snapshots of my childhood came back. Mom cooking. Mom painting. Mom cleaning. Images of the kitchens of the various places we’ve lived. A mental picture of the patterned rug that seemed to always be there faded into my mind as I watched one movie introduction.

I never know when a revelation like this is going to pop up. One of my all-time favorites is, in college, when I finally realized why my father had once told me his favorite thing to do was sleep. When he told me that I was still in early grade school. I thought he was crazy—during that time in my life I could not be outside or run around enough. But, it only took one semester with a full class schedule, extracurricular activities, and two or three jobs for me to understand why sleeping is one of the greatest things in life.

Paraguayans often ask me if I miss home. They often wonder why I’m so far away from my family. I try to explain that I’m used to it because I left my parents’ houses when I was 18. I think some Paraguayans understand and others don’t. What I don’t have the language skills to explain is that I don’t actively miss my family. Not because I don’t love them, but because they are always with me. I was raised to do my own thing, but I still hear my sister telling me I’m going to get skin cancer when I leave the house without sunblock. I still hear my stepmother’s advice on how to know if I actually love someone when a good-looking guy crosses my path. When I’m not sure if I should go for it, an image of my stepfather talking to complete strangers and getting their life stories helps me take the leap.

Making This Real Life

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When I’m speaking with other volunteers it’s easy to use phrases like “In real life…” or “If I were in the States…” to describe what I would do or think if I were living normally. With these phrases I infer that my time in Paraguay isn’t real life or that while I am in Paraguay I’m not who I really am.

Two years is a long time to take a break from “real life.” With this in mind, logical questions are: What makes Peace Corps life feel like it’s not part of my real life? And, how do I go about making Peace Corps part of my real life?

The first question is easy to answer. I left everything I had in the State to move to a country that has fewer resources and amenities. In addition, in my case, the life I had before the Peace Corps has ceased to exist forever. I gave up some freedoms by coming here and every day I’m fighting to navigate a culture that’s new to me. Further, I have to commutate my thoughts using a language I don’t use to think—things get lost in translation all the time.

Okay, so if that is what makes life in Paraguay feel unreal, how do I make it real? I started by changing my rhetoric and remembering that the things that were important in the US are still very relevant here. I tried to stop using phrases like, “In the States…” I also looked to incorporate the things that made me happy in the US into my life in Paraguay.

A huge breakthrough in my life in Paraguay was being invited to go to zumba classes with two Paraguayan friends, women my age, in my community. We have zumba class 3 times a week. A Paraguayan dance teacher teaches the class. It’s not a zumba you’ll find in the States—we dance mostly to cumbia and reggaeton—but it’s something I would love to do anywhere I live. There’s more to making life real, but zumba sure is a wonderful start.

Squashing More Than Roaches

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Sunset over a sugarcane fieldThere was a time when I’d scream when I saw a cockroach in my apartment and shakily dumped powdered soap on it because I was too freaked out to get close enough to crush it. That’s over. Now, I’ll even stomp on those buggers in my flip-flops—shiny backs, kinked legs, and oversized antennae aren’t going to save those creepers anymore.

I haven’t had to battle a tarantula yet, though I’m sure the opportunity will arise before I leave Paraguay, but the fears I once had are fading. I don’t mean to say I’m becoming fearless, that’s just irresponsible. What I mean is that my prospective is changing.

Things that were overwhelmingly important are less important, like clean floors, and things that weren’t important, like actively greeting everyone, are more important. Things that were petrifying have lost some of their adrenaline pumping abilities because, well, there are just more stressful things and more unknown things to pit myself against daily than there ever was before Paraguay.

No, Paraguay isn’t a scary mess. But, having to re-learn things and live in a different language and culture keeps you always on your toes. For sanity’s sake, I’m learning to not give things more credit than they’re due. The truth? I’d rather use my energy to get better at greeting people than being intimidated by bugs.

Some Things I Miss

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  1. Heated houses – Yeah, winter is short here and doesn’t get much below 50 degrees but it’s like camping in the cold. There’s no escape. The wind whips through my house and the cold settles into even my bed.
  2. Clothes washing machines and dryers – Have you ever washed your clothes by hand? I won’t burst your bubble if you haven’t other than to say you’ve saved hours of your life. The drying thing isn’t an issue during the summer, but during the winter things take a while to dry and there’s always a chance they will end up moldy.
  3. Trash pick-up – It is very hard to be environmentally conscious and deal with trash in the absence of trash pick-up. I am starting a collection of things with which I simply don’t know what to do.
  4. Not having to worry about mold – These winter months, the rainy days, and houses made of mud and cement don’t mix well. I’m constantly fighting to keep mold out of my wardrobe and away from everything in my house. Nothing can touch the floor, nothing.
  5. Floors that don’t hold moisture – My floor is made of cement and is laid on top of the dirt of the earth. It’s nice in the respect that if I spill tons of water…like when I hang my clothes to dry…the water doesn’t pool but disappears, but it does add to the mold problem.
  6. The Internet always at my fingertips – I miss being able to just look up quick facts and information. What are the hours of such and such a business? How does one get a Fulbright? Who sings such and such a song? What are all the animals in the Chinese zodiac?
  7. Google Maps – How the hell do I walk from here to there? How big is my community, really?
  8. Walking around barefoot – The threat of ringworm, hookworm, and Giardia lamblia are a pretty convincing deterrent.
  9. Good green tea – Paraguayans drink terere and mate, so green tea isn’t that important here. But, I just love green tea.
  10. Dark chocolate –Chocolate is scarce and expensive here. I don’t know why, but the chocolate that is here isn’t real chocolate…it’s chocolate flavoring without actual cocoa.