Category Archives: Society

Remarkable People

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Movement at the periphery of my vision caught my attention as I sat at a stop light on my way to work. The movement was a person standing on the sidewalk. Perhaps they were dancing in their mind. Their movements were rhythmic but not in the way most people move to a beat. Something was wrong. Then I realized they were foaming at the mouth and a string of drool hung from their chin. Their eyes were open, but I wasn’t sure they saw the world around them. The explanation didn’t take a medical degree to deduce: Drugs. Likely cocaine or another stimulant. Opiates make people sleepy, not interested in dancing on a street corner.

That day in clinic I had a new patient scheduled who hadn’t been seen by a doctor in several years. The patient was young. They had a history of substance use disorder. The last notes in our system, from several years prior, said they’d stopped using drugs. Previously, they’d used almost every class of drug: alcohol, tobacco, cocaine, benzos, and opiates. As I waited for their appointment to start, I wondered how they were doing, now years later.

The patient entered my clinic calm, clean, and collected. They were articulate and respectful. They had cool hobbies including gardening and beekeeping. “Last time you saw us, you hadn’t used drugs for a few years. Is that still the case?” I asked.

“Yeah, I don’t use drugs anymore. Haven’t for years. I still smoke cigarettes though,” the patient said.

The conversation about their health unfolded. I looked at my computer to go through the never-ending reminders the healthcare system required me to complete with my patients. The reminders for the current appointment included cancer screening and offering nasal naloxone (maybe better known by its brand name “NARCAN.” It’s a nasal spray that reverses the effects of opiates and, if given soon enough after an overdose, saves lives).

“I know you said you don’t use drugs, but I have a reminder here for naloxone. Would you like free naloxone just in case?” I asked.

“No. I’m good. I used to have it. It saved my life twice…and I saved the lives of two other people. I had a friend that said over his time, he saved 60 people with NARCAN,” the patient said.

“I’m glad you were able to do that. I’m glad you’re still with us,” I said.

I finished going through the reminders. We finished our appointment. The patient was healthy and didn’t even need any blood tests.

I thought about the patient as I walked to my car. Beekeeping is awesome. I hoped I’d get back to gardening someday too. As I put my car in reverse, I remembered the person I saw foaming at the mouth on my drive to work. The contrast between the person I saw on the street corner and my patient that day was stark. The contrast reminded me how life is nonlinear. I thought about how the patient had saved their own life and the lives of two others. The patient I’d seen was a remarkable person. The phrase popular for healthcare workers during the COVID pandemic came to mind, “Not all heroes wear capes.” I decided the phrase was accurate but needed modification. Perhaps a better phrase for remarkable people in the world is, “Not all heroes wear capes, but they have baggage and have learned to carry it with grace.”

I hoped the person I saw dancing to drugs and foaming at the mouth would turn down a different road in life. Maybe that person on the street corner would someday tend their own flowers and suck honey from honeycombs too. Maybe the person I saw on the street corner had saved a life right before I saw them. Maybe their life had been saved by an unknown remarkable person. Afterall, the only thing that makes people remarkable is what they’ve done. Every day each of us can decide to do something new. Every day we can evolve and refresh. That’s the most exciting thing about life: The only constant is change.

Knowledge

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“People believe shit and don’t believe sense,” my supervising doctor said. The comment was in reference to patients who believe remedies without any evidence to support their efficacy will treat disease better than medicines which have robust research behind them proving they work. It wasn’t a comment saying patients shouldn’t believe or do whatever they want, it was a comment that each of us should challenge ourselves to investigate the facts behind claims. It was a nod to science – the scientific method designed to prove that observations are (or are not) significant.

Perhaps the statement wouldn’t have caught my attention in a different era, but with the state of current affairs it did. These days there are attacks on science. There are TV stations and online blogs calling themselves “news outlets” yet report nothing but opinion, and poorly informed opinion at that. There are threats against the true investigative journalist; stories based in research.

Current affairs. The thought that one can simply say whole groups of people don’t exist and think they’ll disappear…or assume they don’t have a right to be who they are. The assertation by certain politicians that experts know less about their industry than folks who never studied it or never worked in it. The propaganda that people who move from one country to another didn’t do so in good faith, didn’t have a dream for a better life, and weren’t needed in the country where they arrived. The dangerous opinion that one’s beliefs are the only beliefs; forgetting that we’ve proven time and time again that all humans are fallible and that diversity of thought and world view make our species stronger.

The ability to think critically and analyze the validity of people’s claims is a form of power. It’s powerful to set one’s emotions aside and examine the truth behind one’s feelings. With a critical approach we can gain knowledge, not just vibes. With knowledge we can grow and change. We can learn to better understand those different from us rather than expect everyone to be like us. We can embrace diversity. We can embrace transitions from one identity to another. We can include everyone. Knowledge helps us understand that prohibiting words like “diversity,” “transition,” and “inclusion” won’t make people who live those realities disappear and is a form of coercion and censorship. 

“People believe shit and don’t believe sense,” my supervising doctor said. I laughed at the comment because in the context it was funny. But it wasn’t funny when I thought about how many people have, do, and will suffer because powerful people are unwilling to believe sense. Unable to hear reason. Disinterested in knowledge. We can’t change other people, but we are responsible for ourselves. I challenge you to look for sense, not shit, when making your decisions in every facet of your life. If each of us challenged ourselves to do that, the world would be different from what it is today.

The Floors Don’t Shine Like They Used To

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I walked into the Veterans Affairs (VA) hospital where I have primary care clinic. I hadn’t been there for a few weeks between vacation and working in the ICU (critical care unit) at a different hospital. Yet, I’d heard about the budget cuts and other residents had shared murmurs of uncertainty related to what was to come for our patients. Entering the VA hospital for the first time since the budget cuts started to take effect, I was immediately struck by how gross the floors looked. And, as I was processing the dullness of the floors and their peeling finish, I heard a woman next to me comment on the floors too.

I used to joke to my spouse about how frequently they refinished the floors at the VA hospital. Over the past 2 years it seemed that every time I worked nights or left late, they were refinishing the floors. These efforts resulted in a floor as shiny as the shoes of the sentinels at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington Cemetery. And, until the floors looked dull, I’d never thought about their symbolism.

Every patient seen at the VA hospital is a veteran. Some of them wouldn’t have access to healthcare if it weren’t for the VA. Most of them wouldn’t have access to some of the most critical medical resources that our veterans need for good health without the VA. Mental health care is one example of such a resource.

I settled into my day at the clinic. A patient I hadn’t seen before was among my first patients. “I’d like to be screened for PTSD,” he said.

“Okay, why?” I asked. PTSD stands for “post-traumatic stress disorder.” It’s a condition that can occur when people experience things that are mentally traumatic. It can include flashbacks to the event(s) that disrupt life, nightmares that prevent sleep, and mood challenges that make it difficult to function in daily life.

“My daughter thinks I have it,” he said.

“Do you have nightmares?” I asked.

“No. But I think about things that happened. I just push the thoughts out of my head though. You know, I saw people die in Vietnam,” he said.

“How often do you have those thoughts?” I asked.

“Multiple times a day,” he said.

“How long has that been going on?” I asked.

“Years. I also get angry really easily,” he said.

“Do you get angry over things that other people don’t?” I asked.

“Yeah, all the time. I just get angry fast,” he said.

“Any thoughts of hurting yourself?” I asked.

“Hasn’t come to that,” he said.

“What about thoughts of hurting others?” I asked.

“All the time, but I don’t act on it,” he said.

The conversation unfolded. From my assessment he easily met criteria for PTSD. “Well, I think your daughter’s right that you have PTSD. Do you want treatment for it?” I said.

“Yes,” he said.

We discussed our options for treatment. I was grateful that we had options. How awful it was to think he’d potentially lived for 50 years with thoughts of the people he saw die in Vietnam haunting him multiple times daily.

Mental health is a huge part of health for all people and an especially common challenge for veterans. It has taken years of population education and eradication of misinformation to create an environment where veterans feel comfortable asking medical providers for help with their mental health. In my experience younger veterans are more comfortable discussing things like depression and PTSD than older veterans. But it’s an important issue for all veterans. To put it in perspective, about 18 veterans across the US die by suicide daily.

The VA offers more mental health services than any other healthcare system I have encountered. People using civilian healthcare often wait months to be seen by a therapist and longer to see a psychiatrist. When working at the VA, I can ensure my patients’ mental health is supported as soon as I learn it is a challenge for them thanks to the VA’s dedication to the mental health of our veterans. The VA’s effort to help manage mental health challenges among veterans matters. For example, suicides among veterans diagnosed with PTSD decreased by 32% been 2001 and 2022.

What makes medicine different from most other industries is that we don’t deal in money, property, or things. We deal in lives saved, lives lost, and human suffering. What does the shine of the VA hospital floor say about the future of our veterans’ healthcare? Time will tell. Yet, looking at the landscape of US federal budget cuts and executive mandates, people’s access to healthcare in this country is declining. I suspect that it’s only a matter of time before the health effects are felt broadly. Of course, these federal healthcare budget cuts and restrictions are concurrent with cuts in federal funding for research. As a result, we probably won’t be able to quantify the impact politics today had in terms of lives lost and population health deterioration. Perhaps the symbolism of a floor, which one walks all over for their personal benefit, is fitting symbolism for the value current political figures place on the health of others.

References:

  1. VA releases 2024 National Veteran Suicide Prevention Annual Report: https://news.va.gov/137221/va-2024-suicide-prevention-annual-report/

Stand Up for Yourself Sister

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“Stand up for yourself sister…because if you don’t stand up, no one will.” This was the theme of my thoughts as I walked home recently. I’d learned this lesson over a series of experiences, most significantly the Peace Corps and the 20ish jobs I had before medical school. It’s a skill improved with the help of pivotal women throughout my younger years who showed me how to advocate for myself (not just others). And it’s a skill I’m always improving.

Medical school forced me to practice standing up for myself over, and over, and over again. Medicine isn’t designed to be kind to its trainees. The journey to doctorhood is fraught with unpleasantries. A self-aware and self-confident person can minimize these annoyances if she chooses to face them and address them as they arise.

“Stand up for yourself sister” had popped into my mind after chatting with a younger co-resident who described several instances where she was asked to do work that wasn’t her responsibility by senior trainees and didn’t feel comfortable saying “no.” These instances were like the time in medical school when I found one of my classmates in the hospital hours after her work was done because a resident asked her to do a non-medical errand (meaning it was a personal favor and had nothing to do with the student’s learning). The student had also not felt comfortable saying “no.”

In both of the above cases, if the junior trainee has said “no” to their superiors they would have been in the right and may have prevented their time from being wasted. Further, both cases were examples of misconduct by the senior trainees as defined by the governing bodies that oversee medical trainees. Because of the hierarchy of medicine there are clear guidelines of conduct designed to protect junior trainees from abuse by senior trainees and physicians. The above cases were not reported to governing bodies.

Weird and questionable situations arise all the time. What I’ve learned is that being confident to say “no” is important. It is possible that there will be ramifications when one says “no,” but if one is in the right it is often worth the risk. Further, reporting unreasonable requests to the governing powers in our institutions is another form of self-advocacy that has the added benefit of helping to prevent others from being put in similar situations in the future. I don’t think it was coincidence that the two above examples happened to female trainees.

America calls itself “land of the free and home of the brave.” I find this tagline misleading. One reason is the different way many fractions of America raise their women and men. Even in a place that screams equality as its core value, many American sub-cultures (including my own) teach their boys to be confident, embrace conflict, ask for things, and demand better. At the same time, these sub-cultures (including my own) teach their girls to be cute, create harmony, strive for pleasantness, advocate for others (especially the weak), and be tactful. The lessons we teach girls are fine except they don’t cultivate the skills girls need to stand up for themselves the way the lessons we teach boys do.

American women from these subcultures are then at a disadvantage in many situations including when they negotiate employment contracts, ask for promotions, and define boundaries in relationships. Of course, many girls and women learn to negotiate and advocate for themselves anyway. But, what I’ve noticed, is that these skills aren’t default from culture in America like they are for men. Many of the women I know who stand up for themselves are self-learned after facing challenges or inequitable treatment next to men. A lucky subset of women are great self-advocates because other women took the time to teach them (despite American culture) in the hope of sparing them some frustration.

There are women who never find a way to feel comfortable standing up for themselves. I feel for these women because I know what it is like to be averse to conflict and scared to speak up. I know what it’s like because that is the default American subculture from which I come. But, like I told my co-resident, we can learn new skills and grow our personalities if we choose to do so.

I’m thankful I invested in cultivating my ability to self-advocate. American women are often amazing advocates for others (such as their children, their parents, their patients, their friends, and many other groups) while being uncomfortable advocating for their own needs. But, advocating for oneself is just as important as advocating for others. There is no reason to believe self-advocacy is a fixed ability or a trait only man can have. Even as I write this, I’m still not as good at self-advocacy as my husband is. Thankfully, I have many years left to practice… You better believe I’m striving for self-advocacy excellence.

Heat Wave and Other Environmental Concerns

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A co-resident of mine recently gave a presentation on how global climate change is impacting health at one of our residency educational sessions. As someone who grew up in a Vermont family who thinks a lot about the environment, it was a basic talk. Basic as it was, the presentation was effective in starting a conversation about the health impacts of climate at my residency program.

In their wrap-up, the presenter mentioned that there isn’t much we can do as individuals about climate change because it is a systemic problem. As I left the presentation a different co-resident mentioned how they didn’t see the relevance between the presentation and our work in medicine. These comments reminded me of an interaction with yet another co-resident I’d had the year before – when that resident mentioned that they “don’t believe in recycling” when I was talking about recycling and compost programs in Richmond, VA.

This presentation on global climate change came right after a heat spell that broke summer temperature records across the US. In one week, my 3-person team admitted 2 patients for illnesses related to heat exposure. In the post-presentation discussion, my colleagues who work with adults and children mentioned how they can guess a child’s home zip code based on how bad their asthma is. Per those residents, since the bus depots moved to certain neighborhoods to “clean up” the center of the city the children in bus depot zip codes now have frequent asthma exacerbations.

Like most terrible things, the dangers of climate change are overwhelming. To slow the process and fix the problem does require global systemic change and political dedication. But, as Margaret Mead said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”

As a child my mom told me stories of how when she was a kid there was trash everywhere on the side of the road. And, while we still see trash on the side of the road, it’s improved a lot since her childhood. This shift occurred partly because individuals stopped throwing so much trash out their windows and dumping trash on the roadside and partly because we established systems to clean up trash. So, the less-roadside-trash-effort was a combination of individual effort and system change.

 “Green Up Day” in Vermont is a concrete example of combining individual and systemic effort to reduce roadside trash. Green Up Day is a yearly event in spring when Vermonters go out with trash bags and collect trash along the roads around their property. The trash bags are put in piles on the roadside and the towns pick up the bags. Because of Green Up Day, Vermont enters summer with minimal litter on the roadsides. Vermont is a state of natural beauty – their ability to keep their state beautiful fuels tourism and protects the land Vermonters love.

Slowing, stopping, and reversing global climate change is a lot more complicated than simple trash management. But the only way to address complex problems is to break them down into pieces. Below is a list of some things we can do on an individual level to help. The below list isn’t exhaustive, revolutionary, or original. BUT it’s a list of things I’ve been able to do despite being a medical resident with a terribly busy schedule, not having much physical or mental reserve, and abiding by a relatively tight budget. I share it with you because I disagree with my co-resident that we can’t do much on an individual level. Think about what could happen if the >144,000 medical residents in the US did these things. Think of what could change if even half of the >300 million people in the US did these things. And think what could happen if we each also demanded environmental responsibility from our networks, cooperations, and politicians.

  • Recycle. Even if you don’t have home recycling collection. Take the time to drop it off at a recycling center.
  • Compost. This can be organized compost or home compost. For example, Richmond has city-operated composed bins throughout the city – there’s even one at the public library. If you own property, you can set up a composed bin or pile of your own.
  • Limit your use of single-use cups and utensils. I bring my bamboo utensils, travel mug, and water bottle to work every day to minimize my use of single use items.
  • Use soaps, laundry detergent, dish soap, shampoos, and conditioners that come in paper containers. You can get bars or powdered soap. BlueLand sells soap tablets that dissolve to make foam hand soap if you don’t like bar soap for hand washing.
  • Get spices from bulk pins or in glass bottles to minimize all the small plastic bottles spices come in.
  • Use reusable bags when shopping, including vegetable bags. Remind your cashiers that you brought bags if they aren’t used to reusable bags yet.
  • Say “no” to plastic bags on your take-out food. Instead, use a reusable bag or no bag at all.
  • Buy things in paper, metal, or glass contains whenever possible. Avoid plastic containers as much as possible.
  • Re-use plastic bags. They’re easy to wash; I promise.
  • Make sure your sponges aren’t made of plastic. Even mainstream grocery stores sell compostable sponges.
  • Walk or bike to work as much as possible.
  • Don’t idle your car when stopped. If it’s hot, just get out of it and go stand in the shade. If it’s cold, stand and wiggle.
  • Think carefully before using single-use equipment at work and at home.
  • Turn off your lights when you leave the room, or you don’t need them.
  • Limit your AC use to what you need. Turn off your AC when you leave.
  • Change your lightbulbs to energy-efficient bulbs. LED bulbs are cheap these days.
  • Use reusable batteries and rechargeable gadgets rather the single use ones when you can.
  • Use paper party decorations rather than plastic ones. I think about sad turtles when I see balloons. I don’t expect you to have the same reaction, but paper streamers are just as cool as balloons and better for the environment.

Want more ideas about what you can do to help slow global climate change? Check out the United Nations’ page on “Actions for a Healthy Plant” at https://www.un.org/en/actnow/ten-actions. Another good page with ideas for individuals can be found at the Milken Institute School of Public Health at the George Washington University: https://onlinepublichealth.gwu.edu/how-to-reduce-climate-change.

Lost to Follow Up

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Two different cancer screening tests came back positive. The patient needed additional testing to see if they had these cancers, but the threat was real and could be life changing. As the months went on, the referrals I had put in for the follow up tests came back – “unable to reach patient,” “failed scheduling effort,” and finally “referral canceled as unable to reach patient, reorder if still clinically indicated.” The patient missed their follow up appointments with me. I saw, however, the ongoing social work notes in the chart. Half of these notes stated they couldn’t reach the patient and half suggested contact. Perhaps it made sense that this patient wasn’t attending to their cancer diagnosis/rule out follow up appointments. This patient had big fish to fry without cancer. They were struggling with drug addiction, didn’t have secure housing, and weren’t sure where they’d get their next meal. The electronic chart, filled with short notes attempting objectivity written in the same font used in 1980s faxes, told a story. The story was both an epic and a tragedy.

This patient was lost to follow up. Would we ever find out if they had cancer? Did it matter? Would they die before medicine could help them? Was medicine really what they needed? As I watched the story unfold, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs surfaced in my mind. This patient’s basic needs weren’t met – food, safety, and a place to stay. Cancer was so high up the pyramid of needs it seemed silly to discuss. Though, was it really that high up the pyramid? I know what cancer can do.

Health is multifactorial. Only one piece of health is access to quality healthcare. This patient was focusing on several nonhealthcare pieces of health – safety and security of the physical body. Perhaps they were also focusing on finding their next meal. Perhaps the recreational drugs they used were treating demons of a past filled with trauma. This patient was part of a healthcare system with robust social services to help with social problems like housing and food insecurity. Interestingly, the social services this patient could access are exceedingly rare in the US. Most health systems don’t provide these services and most insurances don’t cover them.

I hoped the patient’s basic needs would be met. I hoped that when those needs were met, they’d return to clinic so we could start the cancer investigation process. I hoped it wouldn’t be too late. Even as a physician I don’t get to write the story of other people’s lives. As the story in the chart unfolded, I was grateful that the patient was receiving social services. I was frustrated that in most other US healthcare systems a different patient in the same situation would receive no help of any kind.

“Lost to follow up” is the phrase we use for patients who disappear from healthcare. It’s a term that provides a label, but it doesn’t explain where these patients go and why they disappear. The label can have negative connotations because it’s easy to be frustrated when patients don’t want to take our (their doctors’) advice and follow our carefully designed plans. It’s easy to forget our patients (just like us) are products of the social determinants of health. It’s easy to forget (just like us) they have lives filled with complex situations regardless of their use of healthcare.  

I’ve found that it’s worth stepping back and trying to see why patients decide to become lost to follow up. When I do this, I often discover that they aren’t lost at all. Rather, they are fighting for the most important things in their lives at that time. And the important things they see are usually different than the important things I see. Since patients are the experts in their own lives, they are often right about what’s most important. Frequently nonmedical things have a greater influence on patients’ decisions than their health needs as dictated by their doctor.

As the alerts came to my inbox for missed tests, I thought about the patient the first (and only) time I met them. They had answered all my questions thoroughly and without hesitation. I wondered if I’d see them again. I hoped they returned to clinic before anything devastating related to their maybe cancers happened. I cleared the alerts. The patient would write their own story; I’d be here if they invited me to partake in another chapter of it. Even tragedies sometimes have plot twists and happy endings. I always (and unwaveringly) root for happy endings no matter how stormy the story becomes. 

References:

Wikipedia on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs

Article on the importance of the different determinants of health: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26526164/

HHS overview of the social determinants of health: https://health.gov/healthypeople/priority-areas/social-determinants-health

WHO overview on the determinants of health: https://www.who.int/news-room/questions-and-answers/item/determinants-of-health

My Hero List Grew by One That Night

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It was early during residency. I was still adjusting to primary care clinic which included learning how the computer system worked. I still didn’t have home access to the electronic medical records so I couldn’t review my patients ahead of their appointments. I also couldn’t write my patient notes at home. All my patients were new to me. Between the challenge of learning new patients and the computer system, I fell behind in clinic one day.

My patient appointments stacked up like logs against a dam before it bursts. And, with my appointments running behind and my slowness with the computer system, the notes I had to write for each patient appointment were pushed to the end of the day.  My last appointment ended an hour late because it started an hour late.

There I was, already after closing time and just starting to fight the computer system to write my notes as fast as I could. Everyone else in the clinic had left an hour or so earlier. I was hungry because I hadn’t thought I’d need to bring dinner.  I’d already eaten breakfast and lunch at the clinic. I was startled when I heard someone in the hall. The janitor walked by my office, “Late night?” he asked pausing outside my open office door.

“Yeah. I’m new here and I’m still slow with the computer,” I said.

“And they just left you?” he asked.

“It’s okay. Hopefully my notes will be done soon,” I said.

“Well, thanks for your work,” he said.

Hours passed. One note at a time, like small footsteps, my pile of remaining work dwindled. The janitor stopped by my door again. “I got you these. It’s not much but it’s all I could find,” he said. He handed me a bag of BBQ potato chips and a mini-Fanta orange soda.

“Thank you so much! You’re so kind,” I said. I was too tired to be giddy but in better circumstances I would have been gleeful for the snacks.

“Have a good night. Hope you can leave soon,” he said and walked away, back to his own work.  

I don’t think he’ll ever know how much he saved me that night. When I was finally done with my work and as I walked through the empty clinic and then the empty parking lot to my car, I thought about how much I appreciated the janitor. I’ve often thought it odd that society focuses so much on big names and money. In my experience, heroes are always humble strangers acting out of kindness and with no motive or expectation of recognition.  

That night I was reminded that all it takes is pausing to offer a little help to transform a person’s night. The janitor clearly had already ingrained that knowledge into his existence. And like the heroes who came before him, I added the janitor to my life’s hall of fame as I walked to my car to drive home. My hall of fame isn’t a hall of fame like those for baseball players but, to me, it’s a lot more important. And, in case you’re wondering, I’ve never had a more delicious bag of chips and can of soda.

The Social Determinants of Health

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I was walking home from a series of hard shifts. My mind slid back to the first code I ever worked. “Code” is medical slang for when you do CPR and try to get someone’s heart to start again after it stops. My first code was a trauma-code. The story was that the patient lost a literal game of Russian roulette. The injury they had from the close-range bullet was not compatible with life. But the patient was young and when their heart stopped, the doctor overseeing the case didn’t pronounce them dead right away. Their heart didn’t respond to CPR; they died.  

That code was years ago. I hadn’t thought about it too much since it happened. Medicine is full of sad stories. I was surprised that the memory of the code entered my thoughts as I walked home. I wondered why I was thinking of it. I realized quickly: I was angry.

I don’t often get angry when working in medicine. The more common emotions I have on the job are excited, interested, happy, annoyed, exhausted, and sad – sometimes within the same interaction. I’ve only been angry a few times in my ever-lengthening medical career. I wasn’t angry at my first code, so why had I thought of it when I was angry?

On that day when I remembered my first code, I had cared for a patient who was dying of advanced heart failure even though they had the unblemished skin of youth. At first it would seem my current patient and the patient who died during my first code had nothing in common except an early death. But as I thought about it, I realized that they had more in common than it seemed at first.

Both patients would die harsh deaths. The code was fast, and the heart failure would be slow. And while both patients had easily observable health conditions, I found myself wondering if they were dying of those conditions or if they were dying because they were victims of something much greater. Could their deaths have been avoided if society hadn’t pushed them down so many times in their short lives? Were they dying of disease or of the social determinants of health?

The social determinants of health are non-medical factors that influence health; they’re the social and structural realities that shape how people interact and live. The social determinants of health include access to education, food, and secure housing. They include neighborhood exposures (the positive like puppies and playgrounds and the negative like violence and drug misuse). They include skin color, first language, sex, and gender. The list goes on.

I was angry because there was nothing more I could do for the patient with heart failure, just as there had been nothing more I could do for the young patient whose heart stopped all those years ago. Society had failed them. Collectively the two patients had experienced racism, the jail system, drug use disorder, mental health struggles, unfair treatment by employers, barriers to education, and likely countless other obstacles that I did not uncover during my short interactions with them. The patient dying of heart failure was difficult. They didn’t trust the healthcare system and they were profoundly unpleasant to work with. As I learned more about their story, I came to understand that while it is never okay to be mean it is also sometimes easy to see why a person could become mean. This patient had been knocked down so many times throughout their short life that it seemed all they knew how to do was fight. And, unfortunately, they were fighting for their life. And while they had not yet acknowledged it, they were losing. Would it be months before they died? Maybe a year or two because they were young? Maybe they’d be a miracle case and live much longer. I, however, don’t count on miracles.

I was angry because I thought the healthcare system was the last part of society to fail my patient with heart failure. I (and my team) tried to build a case to make them eligible for advanced heart failure treatments, all of which have strict criteria. The criteria are strict because all advanced therapies for heart failure are complex and require incredible collaboration between the patient and their care team, otherwise they fail to work. Among the options for some patients (not all) is heart transplant which has even stricter criteria because organs are scarce. In the end, the patient I was caring for was deemed not a candidate for any advanced therapies. They were not a candidate because they showed a consistent record of disregarding medical advice and missing their follow up medical appointments and prescribed medications.

After days of long conversations with the young patient with heart failure I understood that it wasn’t just personality that drove them to fight against medical advice. It was a fear of death, a desire for independence, and a long history of mistrust built on a life of the system failing them. There were many negative social determinants of health which had worked against them their whole life. I was angry because what is done can’t be undone. Just as death cannot be stopped when it comes calling. It’s unfair when and how death calls; it’s a metaphorical game of Russian roulette.

Being angry about the social determinants of health doesn’t solve them, but sometimes being angry is a place to start. And so, on that walk home and for a little while after, I let myself be angry. Part of writing this post was sorting out why I was angry. The next step is figuring out what can be done to address the social determinants of health. They are numerous and complex so there isn’t one solution and they’re slow to change. The young patient with heart failure reminded me that while I’m focusing on learning the science of medicine right now, I can’t forget the public health and community work I did before I jumped into residency. I can’t forget because when I’m an independently working physician, my patients won’t come to me with just disease. They will come to me with life stories that influence every aspect of their medical care.

Tropical Paradise Has Challenges Too

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“I didn’t have power for 4 months. My daughter got lice because we couldn’t bathe properly; with my long hair, I got them too when I picked them out for her. We washed our clothes by hand. During those months, some areas started to get power and I was able to bring my big items (like bedding) to a laundromat. I lived in a place where I wasn’t allowed to have a generator. But even the rich people with generators didn’t have power because you need gas to run generators and we didn’t have that. I couldn’t keep food all that time because my fridge didn’t work. It was hard… So, I think we all have a little PTSD when it comes to hurricane season,” a Puerto Rican said, recalling her experience during Hurricane Maria. She’d just given me a tour of San Juan’s primary hospital campus, including pointing out the street where they used to have shipping containers lined up to hold corpses during Hurricane Maria because they couldn’t identify them fast enough.

“It was bad. Help didn’t come or it was delayed,” she said. I remembered this; it was all over the news. Hurricane Maria hit Puerto Rico in 2017. You might remember the politics of the US then; there was a lot of news about the hurricane’s effects and how the US government delayed or didn’t send aid. Perhaps 3,000 Puerto Ricans died, but we’re not exactly sure of the true number. Many more lost their homes.

I remember someone asking me if Puerto Rico had been rebuilt since Hurricane Maria when I left for Puerto Rico. At the time, I found the question odd because it’s been 6 years since that hurricane struck. But I have an answer now and have come to realize that it was a good question. The answer is: yes and no. If you visited Puerto Rico today, your first impression would be that it’s a tropical paradise and you might fall in love with the place. There’s a reason why Puerto Ricans are so proud of their home. As a tourist you’ll enjoy both friendly hosts and living accommodations equivalent to those in the continental US. But if you dig deeper than the average tourist experience, you’ll discover that the island has challenges. Despite the beauty of the island and its strong identity people are leaving Puerto Rico. This Washington Post article describes the situation of Puerto Rican’s leaving their home (and people leaving other US territories too).

If you explore beyond San Juan (Puerto Rico’s capital and biggest city), you will see shadows of Puerto Rico’s complicated situation. In the town where I’m staying (and all throughout the island), you find deserted houses on most blocks. A coworker explained that sometimes people just leave their homes and move, often to the continental US. The pay here is lower than in the continental US (often in general) but especially in industries of interest to me such as healthcare. Infrastructure throughout the island, like healthcare, is much like in rural regions of the continental US, which is to say that many people don’t have easy access to the healthcare they need.

My husband and I visited a small island just off Puerto Rico’s coast called Vieques. It’s where the brightest of the 3 bioluminescent bays in Puerto Rico is and that’s why we visited. Being me, I had us walk the 5ish miles from the ferry to the town in which we were staying. Again, being me, I googled to see if there was a hospital on Vieques and the number of beds it has (as I do everywhere I go) just in case I wanted to move there and work. I learned that Vieques doesn’t have a hospital because it wasn’t rebuilt after being destroyed in Hurricane Maria. I also noticed signs demanding that the hospital be rebuilt on a chain-link fence as we walked across the island. On our walk back to the ferry from our Airbnb, a local stopped to offer us a ride because it was hot. We accepted. I can’t remember if I asked about the hospital or if it came up naturally in conversation, but the local explained that the hospital hadn’t been rebuilt and it was a point of political tension. Further, in 2020, a teenage girl died because there wasn’t available transport to San Juan when she needed it and Vieques didn’t have a ventilator to help her breathe. According to the local, even the family of the girl helped manually give her breaths (with a bag-mouth mask which is what EMTs use on ambulances until they get to the hospital), but she died anyway.  

From these conversations, I’ve learned that Puerto Rico has a complexity that can be overlooked as a tourist. Living here a few weeks has not made me an expert (or even a novice) in Puerto Rican anything…except maybe dengue because I’m doing an internship about it and fruit juices because they are delicious. But my time here has allowed me to see that beyond the beautiful beaches, blended frozen beverages, and seafood Puerto Rico has a historical, political, and economic reality. Puerto Rico reminded me of the confusion I had while living in DC: It is odd to me that there are territories that are part of the US where the inhabitants aren’t granted the right to vote and to have congressional representation because it seems rather undemocratic. I don’t know if it would change anything in Puerto Rico if they were represented in US congress or participated in US presidential elections. I also I don’t know if that is something Puerto Ricans want. But, at the very least, I’ve come to see that I have a lot to learn about Puerto Rico’s history, its current governance, and its relationship with the US before I can fully unpack my experience living here.

The Ocean

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I’ve never lived by a sea or ocean before. But for a few weeks this winter I am. And not just any salty expanse but the Caribbean Sea and Atlantic Ocean around Puerto Rico. It’s not hurricane season so, in the few days I’ve been here so far, the waves have crashed with careful, well-mannered regularity. Right now, I’m on the Atlantic Ocean coast. The water is warm and blue. Walking along the beach I find myself covered with a salt film both from the lapping waves and the salt in the air. The temperature has been perfect and the sun a beautiful gold. Proximal to the sand and rocks that meet the water are coconut trees, marking where the beach ends and the rest of the island begins.

As I walk along the rocky bits of the shore crabs scuttle so quickly that they’re hard to see – their shell patterns match the sea plants and the design the sunlight creates as it dances with the waves. Pelicans hover above the water, make a diving plummet with a smack as they break the water’s surface, rest on the ocean’s surface to swallow the fish they caught, and then take flight to follow the wind off the water to only scoop around like a boomerang and head back out to fish again.

People sit on the beach and hangout in the water. They listen to their loud music, dig holes in the sand, throw rocks, and drink alcohol (mostly beer). I walk along the junction between the water and the sand – sometimes more on the side of the sand and other times more on the side of the saltwater. The waves fill the gap between me and the seemingly infinite ocean. Sometimes I’m taken by surprise when a large wave barrels to shore and splashes up against my legs and catches my shirt in its spray.

Where there are tidal pools, I look down at the ruby red sea urchins with deep crimson spikes – their colors remind me of the colors of fresh and dried blood or, perhaps more appealing, the colors of red I’d expect royalty to wear. There are little fish that dart around in the tidal pools; they’re the color and pattern of sand. There are sea plants that look like little green balloons. There are shells hiding live creatures whose names I don’t know. Some of the bigger pools have sea anemones. I peer into each tidal pool, eager to see what it keeps in its mini-sea haven.

I love the sound of the waves and the smell of the salt water against the sand. It’s new to see coconuts. But, in this serene backdrop I can’t help but notice the broken glass and plastic bits, bottles of all varieties, cans, and all the other trash humans on the beach have failed to pick up…or humans elsewhere tossed in such a way that their trash found its way to the beaches where I wander now. I walk barefoot in the sand, but it’s almost a bad idea because so many people have broken their beer bottles.

The creatures and features of the ocean are no less beautiful with the trash present, but I imagine how it would be paradise without the plastic bottles there as a reminder that so many places I love are being filled with trash. Will this beach be swimmable when my grandchildren are alive? There must be a better way. There must be a way to keep this beach with its crabs and sea urchins for the generations to come.

As I turn up the road between where I’m staying and the ocean I see heaps of bottles, cans, Styrofoam, plastic bags, and other discarded single use items on the side of the road. They create a scattering of litter among the snake plants, palm trees, mango trees, papaya trees, pothos vines, and other plants of the tropics. Is there another way or is it already too late to return our natural spaces to paradise?